This is maybe just what you are saying, but I think the presumption here is that women are "sexual gatekeepers" such that a woman is likely living at or close to the frontiers of her personal adventuresness (or perhaps is pressured to go beyond it by a partner). Mens' experiences are more likely to be limited by a factor other than their personal adverturesness.
My girlfriend slightly disagrees; her take is that a man can be "sexually adventurous", we just mean something different by it when we apply it to a man. A man into domming doesn't count as sexually adventurous because he's doing the expected thing, but a man who is into subbing does count.
I would add only that the men who are most committed to the view that women hate sex (are objects and not subjects of desire, are 'gatekeepers' of sex, put up with it on sufferance, and so on) are usually the biggest prudes, whatever their porn search histories.
Perhaps sexual adventurousness is the unrealistic standard by which most men deviate. Refer to the Ménage a trois Seinfeld episode: when actually presented with the opportunity, Jerry realizes that he does not, in fact, have the sexual adventurousness that is expected of him. Thirty years later, I can attest that in the burgeoning age of polyamory, men often confide in each other that they’re simply too vanilla for such fantasies.
Is this an actual relationship problem or is it a media depiction problem? So much anxiety revolves around whatever the "good" woman is right now. Right now she's into three ways and pan orgasmic, tomorrow she might be strictly hetero and on a sex diet. Or she could be radical vegan lesbian, who knows? Are you it, or can you at least lean a little bit that way?
Men just aren't as interesting, anxiety wise. Not to say they don't have anxieties, just that they are much more constricted in their public sexuality so there's less to play on.
I have a slightly different perspective. I'm a "sexually adventurous" man I guess, or at least I was for quite some time. My experience is generally being repressed by the expectations and generally incredulity of people around me when I do open up about my sexuality.
The men around me in my life seem either sexually repressed, or just not that horny. I'm the one who spent years in a big city sleeping around and my experience is met with surprise and confusion when I occasionally open up about little, tame details. I didn't do anything too crazy, but occasionally went to sex clubs and had to explain to Woman B that Woman A just left that morning and we can reschedule if she feels icky about seeing someone who just saw someone else.
I don't really have any kinks, I just like variety and quantity of sex with different people. Is that adventurous? I almost never hear my particular sexual alignment listed, except as a womanizer or fuckboy. It's either men who like violent sex or watch too much porn, and from what I've heard over my life, it's always been spoken of negatively.
There's lots of progressive rhetoric out there for women to engage in slutty behaviour, but very little for man sluts to engage in ethical slutty behaviour.
I think that biases the discourse you're talking about.
My sexual adventurousness didn't begin until menopause. The notion that menopause erases sexuality in women is cultural propaganda women have been on the receiving end of since Adam took that bite and the world blamed Eve.
So when you get a chance maybe add some explicit…criteria? I’m well past the adventurous stage but annoyingly afflicted with a nostalgic yearning for days of yore, when I was up for a greater range of experience. Am kinda curious where I actually ranked. At the time “somewhat pathetic aspirational striver” might’ve seemed accurate, though I did get some licks in. By current standards “dangerous Lothario tendencies” would seem to be/have been within reach. That’s because I keep hearing about the youth of America foreswearing actual sex, farming it out to nice couples like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Can’t tell what to make of it. Please help.
This is maybe just what you are saying, but I think the presumption here is that women are "sexual gatekeepers" such that a woman is likely living at or close to the frontiers of her personal adventuresness (or perhaps is pressured to go beyond it by a partner). Mens' experiences are more likely to be limited by a factor other than their personal adverturesness.
My girlfriend slightly disagrees; her take is that a man can be "sexually adventurous", we just mean something different by it when we apply it to a man. A man into domming doesn't count as sexually adventurous because he's doing the expected thing, but a man who is into subbing does count.
I would add only that the men who are most committed to the view that women hate sex (are objects and not subjects of desire, are 'gatekeepers' of sex, put up with it on sufferance, and so on) are usually the biggest prudes, whatever their porn search histories.
Perhaps sexual adventurousness is the unrealistic standard by which most men deviate. Refer to the Ménage a trois Seinfeld episode: when actually presented with the opportunity, Jerry realizes that he does not, in fact, have the sexual adventurousness that is expected of him. Thirty years later, I can attest that in the burgeoning age of polyamory, men often confide in each other that they’re simply too vanilla for such fantasies.
Is this an actual relationship problem or is it a media depiction problem? So much anxiety revolves around whatever the "good" woman is right now. Right now she's into three ways and pan orgasmic, tomorrow she might be strictly hetero and on a sex diet. Or she could be radical vegan lesbian, who knows? Are you it, or can you at least lean a little bit that way?
Men just aren't as interesting, anxiety wise. Not to say they don't have anxieties, just that they are much more constricted in their public sexuality so there's less to play on.
Half-formed morning coffee thoughts.
I have a slightly different perspective. I'm a "sexually adventurous" man I guess, or at least I was for quite some time. My experience is generally being repressed by the expectations and generally incredulity of people around me when I do open up about my sexuality.
The men around me in my life seem either sexually repressed, or just not that horny. I'm the one who spent years in a big city sleeping around and my experience is met with surprise and confusion when I occasionally open up about little, tame details. I didn't do anything too crazy, but occasionally went to sex clubs and had to explain to Woman B that Woman A just left that morning and we can reschedule if she feels icky about seeing someone who just saw someone else.
I don't really have any kinks, I just like variety and quantity of sex with different people. Is that adventurous? I almost never hear my particular sexual alignment listed, except as a womanizer or fuckboy. It's either men who like violent sex or watch too much porn, and from what I've heard over my life, it's always been spoken of negatively.
There's lots of progressive rhetoric out there for women to engage in slutty behaviour, but very little for man sluts to engage in ethical slutty behaviour.
I think that biases the discourse you're talking about.
don't overthink now
My sexual adventurousness didn't begin until menopause. The notion that menopause erases sexuality in women is cultural propaganda women have been on the receiving end of since Adam took that bite and the world blamed Eve.
Interesting piece, thanks Phoebe.
So when you get a chance maybe add some explicit…criteria? I’m well past the adventurous stage but annoyingly afflicted with a nostalgic yearning for days of yore, when I was up for a greater range of experience. Am kinda curious where I actually ranked. At the time “somewhat pathetic aspirational striver” might’ve seemed accurate, though I did get some licks in. By current standards “dangerous Lothario tendencies” would seem to be/have been within reach. That’s because I keep hearing about the youth of America foreswearing actual sex, farming it out to nice couples like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Can’t tell what to make of it. Please help.