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V much agree with this. I really admired the guts to write an essay in which she was not a wronged party and basically the villain of her own life.

One thing I wanted to mention that I really liked in Gould's essay is that she acknowledges she's the one who, in some grand marriage court, is in the wrong here, but also fixing the marriage itself can't really come down to just who is in the wrong. Her list of things she has to forgive and be forgiven for is comically unbalanced but I think that's the point (or it was to me)… the marriage itself can't survive if it's trapped in a cycle of acting out and then eating shit. There has to be grace and give and take. (Otherwise, there's divorce.)

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100%. Which is why the MRA-tinged 'how can she equate what she did with what he did' misses the point!

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yeah, it's obviously fine and normal to view cheating for instance as a "you do this, it's over" bright red line… but if you _do not_ view it that way, then the way you heal and move on as a couple isn't going to be "one person acknowledges they're the worst forever and ever."

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I was just now in the DMs explaining to someone that I think the public, my-husband-is-terrible divorce-themed Go Fund Me was more of a red line than the (per her account, one-off) cheating.

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I don't think it really does considering that the "solution" is that her husband (who I understand works a 9 to 5? Unlike her?) ends up sharing more of the housework. What sense does that make? It really seems like, even from her telling, the husband has done absolutely nothing wrong. Maybe the husband needs to do more to validate her feelings but it would probably be better if she just accepted that she was wrong and worked on herself.

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