Bethany Mandel thought she’d figured out where to get new dresses: a brand called Son de Flor. “Every time another conservative homeschool mom appeared in a dress I loved, it was one of theirs.” But then this brand went and hired a man to model dresses and, argues Mandel, shot itself in the proverbial foot:
For Son de Flor, the target is women interested in timeless fashion and modesty. Overwhelmingly, that is going to translate to religious (read: conservative) women. While a partnership with an individual with over 150,000 Instagram followers might seem appealing on its face, Son de Flor doesn’t seem to understand that an individual is only an influencer for a brand if they actually influence potential customers in a positive way. Ross may have “woke” social media fans who applaud his cross dressing, but how many of them are Son de Flor’s potential customers, interested in replicating his style?
I think it’s really important to note that the model is a man, and not a trans woman. Not because I think it’s fine for men but not trans women to model dresses—I think everyone can model dresses! I just wish more of the models were short!—but because it tells us the realm we’re in, culture-wars-wise.
The conservatives put off by this hiring choice are not objecting to someone who physically comes across as male showing up and asking to be in the women’s locker room/assigned to the women’s prison/to join the women’s swim team. They object to a man wearing a dress. Wearing it not, at least per his Instagram, in mockery of women, or in clownish drag, but because this is what he likes to wear. The objections to this model, in other words, are very much not coming from “TERFs,” because a radical feminist is by definition absolutely fine with a man dressing in a gender-non-conforming (“gender-fluid” per the model) manner.
But now I’m trying to figure out the deal with these dresses, because they are, how to put this, very expensive for what they look to be. This is doubtless justified (in the sense of, someone is justifying it; I am not saying that I am that someone) by the fact that the dresses are made by smiling Lithuanian women who frolic in fields, as versus whatever is going on with Shein, whatever that even is, I am too old to care to find out what it is or why it’s bad, I’m not ordering any of it.
My thinking is, looking at those dresses, that if that’s the kind of dress you like, and you are someone who cares about ethical clothing, might I suggest something called “vintage” or thrift or consignment or Poshmark or flea market or I think the term we’re grasping for here is used clothing. There are dresses like that in abundance, for $50 CAD a pop, on every other block in Toronto. More floral versions thereof are in my very own closet.
The only caveats are that if you’re looking for a dress like this in a 4XL, yes it might be more efficient to order from that website (though size-inclusive vintage is a thing), and also not everyone finds ten minutes in a vintage store the perfect way to unwind. Thin-privilege and proximity-to-shmatte-emporia-privilege duly acknowledged.
I was going to say, and there’s always the Eileen Fisher section of Nordstrom Rack, but Nordstrom in all capacities closed its Canadian shops so I suppose there’s not. There are however numerous Korean boutiques (try Bloor near Christie, or Durumi if you’re on Queen West) offering this sort of look for less than $338.58. Or you could spend even more on the “linen dresses” section of Reformation’s website, though there I cannot attest to the quality. The most I’ve seen of that brand was at a sample sale I was at rather frustratingly while (see I too am a tradwife dress-influencer) pregnant, so I didn’t get anything there the one time I plausibly financially could.
But mainly I’m thinking about the natural fibers thing, and how much of a thing it is, how there are the children whose parents dress them in those and only those, and who do not fall prey to the Eaton Centre basement H&M Kids Disney merch section like everyone else. Is there an element of… racism in choosing the Lithuanian dress over the dress of unknown Lithuanian-ness? The thing where whiteness gets used a proxy for quality and ethical production? To be clear, I am not calling Mandel or the women who inspired her to wear these dresses racists. I am calling the thing in the culture that venerates such dresses a bit hmm, and in doing so, am if anything mainly calling out progressives.
Because do you know who buys stuff like this? I do! It’s rich progressive women who care about ethical sustainable natural fibers and who would not be caught dead in the visually identical but peasant-accessible Uniqlo or Muji version of the same. This is the target audience for a bearded-man-in-dress influencer modelling the clothes. This is the business won over by that sort of move. Not because such women relate to the model or aspire to look like him, but because it means the store is good. Oh, the brand is losing out on the Christian right (and Jewish right! all three of them) moms? I think they’ll manage.
Mandel, more power to her, is the exception to the rule of how much someone with six children who’s homeschooling her kids is prepared to even contemplate spending on a dress. This is to say, this brand is not losing its market share. Whereas the lady with one or two or zero, who spends her days in the paid workforce, she very well might have several hundred to set aside for a garment that is one splash of farmers’ market $9 guacamole away from ragdom, I don’t care how much Oxyclean you throw at the situation.
This is probably the most obnoxiously bougie response possible here, but having delved deeply into the Eastern European linens section of Etsy as I somehow accidentally became a bedsheet snob, I do want to push back a little on the price-by-proximity-to-whiteness thing. Linen quality varies a lot more than, for instance, cotton, and my understanding is that as a result of the effect of growing climate on flax fiber length, mass-produced linen fabric from Asia is noticeably lower quality than linen from Eastern Europe (which is in turn lower quality than linen from Western Europe).
Now do Bethany Mandel's homeschooling mom friends know this? Probably not. (I am very embarrassed to know this.)
Okay, I will stand by their dresses though. They are incredibly well-made and linen can last 50+ years in your wardrobe. And they are WAY flattering.